Channel Surfing
As we age, our memories compile a vast catalogue of audio and visual files that document our human experience. In prison I do not have new experiences from the real world to augment and reinforce those memories. I can only dust them off and replay them over and over. Imagine playing those programmes on the television in my death row cell using my biological remote.
Channel 1 - it is 1963 and I am 5 years old. Just home from morning kindergarten playing in the living room when the breaking news elicits a scream and weeping from my mother. President John F. Kennedy has been assassinated. I feel a need to protect.
Channel 2 - it is 1964 and I am 6 years old. After attending the World's Fair in New York City my sister and I find ourselves separated from our parents and baby brother as the doors close on a subway train. My father musters the strength to prise the doors open just enough to stop the train as we squeeze out into the embrace of our parents.
Channel 3 - it is 1969 and I am 11 years old. My friends and I venture into New York alone and watch our favourite baseball team in the World Series, the New York Mets.
Channel 4 - it is 1972 and I am 14 years old. I graduate from grammar school in a church ceremony as my proud parents watch me receive many honours.
Channel 5 - it is 1976 and I am 18 years old. I graduate high school and attend college before embarking on a long career in management and investigations, where my focus is on protecting people from harm.
Channel 6 - it is 1981 and I am 23 years old. I am promoted to Division Manager by my company and entrusted to manage a large security force at a major university and law school. The highlight occurs in 1983 when President Reagan visits for the graduation ceremony and I meet him.
Channel 7 - it is 1984 and I am 26 years old. I now work for a California-based company as an area operations manager in New Jersey. I meet my future wife there. I am sent to California to attend their academy and to help hire staff and secure the housing sites for the 1984 Los Angeles Olympic Games.
Channel 8 - it is 1985 and I am 27 years old. I get married to the woman I love and our first child is born that summer. I am now Regional Director of Operations for another company. I am tasked with protecting lives and property for clients all over the state.
Channel 9 - it is 1988 and I am 30 years old. My second child is born and my personal and professional life is at its zenith. We move to a more rural area as my family is happy and healthy.
Channel 10 - it is 1990 and I am 32 years old. We move to Pennsylvania. I leave the security business and now apply my skills as an Area Operations Manager, supervising twelve stores, protecting lives and property.
Channel 11 - it is 1995 and I am 37 years old. Our son is born after my wife suffered two miscarriages. Our family is complete with three beautiful children.
Channel 12 - it is 1996 and I am 38 years old. While at work police stop by to tell me that I may be a witness to a robbery four months prior and I agree to go with them to the police station. Once there they accuse me of the crime and I am taken to the county prison. It takes eighty days to get bailed out. While awaiting trial I take care of my family and prepare for any outcome. My wife knows and believes I am innocent.
Channel 13 - it is 1997 and I am 39 years old. Just weeks before my trial the alleged robbery victim is murdered. Despite actual hard evidence against two known suspects in both crimes, lazy and corrupt police charged me with the murder too. I will never leave prison again.
Channel 14 - it is 1998 and I am 40 years old. I go through two trials. Court-supplied lawyers refuse to present any defence although it was ample. I am convicted and sentenced to death on circumstantial and false evidence.
Channel 15 - it is 2020 and I am 62 years old. My appeals have never had a true review or court hearing. Evidence proving my innocence was filed in 2007 and augmented many times since. Just as I hoped my appeal would be finally heard the COVID pandemic shut down the courts.
I sit in my death row cell staring at a blank television screen watching re-runs of programmes that only I can see.
Kevin Brian Dowling, Pennsylvania
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In a Death Row prisoner‘s own words:
“You asked if all is well between us and are we still good friends. In one word Absolutely. Monica has come to be a very valued friend, she is patient and kind in her responses as well as quite timely and consistent. Truly she is a rare blessing in that so many come only to go shortly after. She has stayed and stayed steady.”
“You asked if all is well between us and are we still good friends. In one word Absolutely. Monica has come to be a very valued friend, she is patient and kind in her responses as well as quite timely and consistent. Truly she is a rare blessing in that so many come only to go shortly after. She has stayed and stayed steady.”
Human Writes Patrons
"The very essence of the death penalty is to tell people that they are somehow sub-human, not fit to live. Yet even those people I have represented who did what they were accused of - a surprisingly limited number - have always been much better people than their worst fifteen minutes, as are we all. Those who recognise this by reaching out to the men and women on death row are true heroes, though I suspect they gain as much as they give to the relationship."
Clive Stafford Smith OBE, Founder of Reprieve and Patron, Human Writes
"As a journalist who has lived and worked in the United States, the horror of death row is one of the issues that never leaves you. The thread of humanity that Human Writes manages to sustain with men and women on death row is a profound contribution to keep alive the hope of life. Capital punishment is now on the retreat in America, but the numbers awaiting their fate are still very considerable. I am very honoured to have become a Patron of Human Writes and will hope to do my best to put my shoulder to the wheel".
Jon Snow Broadcaster and journalist, Patron, Human Writes
"I know what it is like to live in a cell for decades and feel that the whole world hates you. I never expected to be able to live again as a contributing member of a community. Prison life was precarious and unpredictable but I met people who worked there who wanted to help me and people like me - and I'm lucky that I live in a society graceful enough to offer me a second chance. At least I had hope. Hope for many of the people supported by Human Writes has all but been extinguished. Letters to people on Death Row let them know that however low they may have fallen, they are still human beings. They still have value and are worth caring about and letters might just help to keep hope alive. That is why I am honoured to have been invited to be a patron."
Erwin James 1957 - 2024, author and Guardian columnist, Patron, Human Writes
Prisoner Art and Writing
"The volunteers of Human Writes seek to hold out the hand of friendship to men and women facing the death penalty. I am pleased to encourage them in their writing"
Most Reverend and Rt Hon George L Carey, former Archbishop of Canterbury
"No matter its circumstances, dying is one of the most important things we ever do. I applaud all who offer compassion and hope to those facing death, especially in the terrible circumstances of Death Row. May God bless your work."
His Eminence Cardinal Vincent Nichols, Archbishop of Westminster